There are days when I just want to scream, a real hard scream, something strong and loud that would awaken my whole neighborhood and bring them running to my door to release me and take me to a safe place where life would be much easier and bearable for me.
I wish to be free.
I don’t like sitting all day in front of this baby, clothing him, changing his nappies, warming milk ever hour. My back hurts on the days when he is in pain. I have to carry him and take walks, singing Gayatri Mantra, hoping that he will understand and find meaning in the verse and find some peace. Sometimes I hope this one-year child will feel sorry for me and let me rest. How do I tell him that there are other chores to be completed as well and that I cannot be pampering him all day.
There is food to be cooked. I have chopped the vegetables and even cooked the rice. I must keep the meals ready before mom arrives. When she is back from her work, she will make some chappatis and also help me with washing of dishes. It will be 5pm and I will be done with all the house chore and then I shall be able to stretch my feet for a moment of fresh air, just a tiny whiff of fresh air.
At 6pm I shall pack my bag and head towards night school. I need to study because I don’t wish to be a domestic maid like my mom. I need to do something more than that. I need to study. Sunita teacher told me there is future for me. The future is mine, she said and the time is now.
Nine years is the perfect age for me to dream. An age when it is possible to built the reality steps towards my lit-dream
If I wish to be free.