Condolence: I am Sorry!

In Tenerife, there is a festival at the end of the carnival called Sardina during which burial of sardine takes place. There is a huge procession of men dressed as weeping widows. Women cover their heads with traditional black lace veil. The mourning atmosphere is created with wailing, beating of chest and some pretending to faint and this is all in a game, a mock kind of humor, a tourist attraction.

But, I am surprised at the people who pretend to cry to gain sympathy in real life. There are those who cry just to show off. They don’t feel the pain but feel the need to be part of the group.

Losing a close member of the family is painful only to the immediate family but expressing the pain openly depends on the demography of the person. I don’t wish to be judgmental, but I have noticed that people who live in smaller cities are very loud. We watch the elite wear dark glasses to hide the tears, you see the common people cry openly, head nodding, mouth open, not caring about how they look.

I cannot stop staring at the people who cry so openly with loud wailing sounds, grabbing the person sitting next to them, hugging them tightly, dropping on their shoulder and wetting other people with their own tears. I am too embarrassed to bring myself close to the weeping person; moreover I am afraid of losing my balance with their sudden grip. During funeral, I always sit at a safe distance, away from the crowd.

I remember Mom mention about the custom in Pakistan, (where she spent her childhood before partition), that people had to hire weeping women to cry during funerals to help people who don’t feel like crying. Wailing and expressing sorrow was considered as the sign of respect.

Tears are the personal property to be shed in privacy. I never cry openly at materialistic loss, at farewells, or at the funerals. I don’t feel like it and I don’t like to pretend. Does that mean that I am insensitive?

Death is something that no one can control, it comes to everyone, only once in a lifetime. Where do people go after they die? For whom do we cry? Do we cry for the soul that has left or are we weeping for their loved ones who are left behind without their support?

I am not even sure about the grief shared by people who attend the condolence and prayer meetings. The sentiments are not present; it has just become a head count, to see and to be seen. Many of such meetings that I have attended recently are like fashion parade, an occasion to wear diamonds and white branded suit with matching white bag and shoes.

There is too much crowd for twelve days with people visiting at all odd hours. You don’t actually get time to mourn. Actual mourning takes place, when you start clearing their personal belonging; the clothes, the personal wallet, the empty side of the bed, when you get the death certificate in your hand, when you realize that the person is coming no more.

The heart begins to bleed, the sentiments dig into raw wounds when you begin to understand that you are left on your own and have to move on. The grief arrives and it never ends its stay, ever.

The tears that fall henceforth are the silent tears.

Wordless Wednesday

The Secrets of the Nagas

The Shiva Trilogy part one ends with Sati chasing the retreating hooded Naga.

Part two- The Secrets of the Nagas” continues with the chase still on, it is difficult to understand the story if you have not read the part one,-‘The Immortals of Meluha’ and it gets interesting if it is read as a sequel, same excitement, same curiosity to read more-about-what-happens-next.

While in part one, you grow to like Shiva, Sati and many other people that appear in the story, in part two, you are introduced to two Nagas and you discover that they are not as evil as they were thought to be.

I don't wish to reveal the secrets about who Nagas are and how they are related to Sati.

But, Shiva believes that Nagas are evil and he needs to destroy it but first he has to be sure that they are evil. 

He questions his philosopher guide ‘Gopal’ , he says “the Nagas are obviously the people who are evil right? Almost everyone seems to agree. And yet, the Nagas helped a man in need, in the interest of justice. That’s not how evil is supposed to be.”

“I have travelled through all of India. Met practically all the tribes except the Nagas. And if none are evil, maybe Evil hasn’t risen. Maybe I am not required.”

Shiva searches for truth going across India but finds no answers, only more confused that everything is different from what it appears to be..

My favorite passage on Page 108 because this is what I believe in:

“There is no past life sins, Sati! There is only this life! That is the only reality. Everything else is theory. Believe the theory that gives you peace and reject the one that causes you pain. Why believe in theory if it causes you unhappiness? You have done all you can to take care of your child and your self. Now have faith.”

After reading the two parts of Shiva Trilogy, I begin to respect the author Amish, who has done a great research and presented the story which is fiction and yet so believable.

There is so much truth when he quotes

 "Remember nobody is good or bad. They are either strong or weak. Strong people stick to their morals, no matter what the trials and tribulations. Weak people, many a times, do not even realise how low they have sunk" 

What evil is he talking about? How can we destroy evil when it does not exist by itself?

Good and evil, two sides of the coin, he must visit Panchavati, the city of Nagas to know the secret.

Waiting for part three…..

Me Time

The black crow on my window is singing his favorite song. He has a bad throat. 

Sometimes I wish there were more sweet humming birds singing on my windowsill waking me gently from my slumber. But then this is a wishful thinking. I live in Mumbai where only crows and pigeons can be heard. So its either 'Ghuttar, Ghutter' or it is 'Caw, Caw'. Those beautiful birds with musical sounds have all migrated to smaller rural areas of India.

The day has just begun for me, although my friend who wakes up at wee hours of the morning must already be on other stretch of a day, maybe eating his early lunch. But then his day starts at the time when I have barely taken few hours of sleep; he starts his day, before dawn singing the praise of Gods loud enough to wake up his neighbors too. By the time I wake up, it is too late to pray. Gods are busy on Mumbai streets, taking care of the people who dodge a speedy traffic, bravely crossing the road, also those people who travel dangerously on Mumbai locals and also help those beggars who earn their daily wages at traffic signals post.

Since last two months of bed rest, my time has been ‘Me Time’.

All my social activities are at a standstill. Most of my friends have disappeared. I don’t blame them, I have busy, working friends with whom I normally spend time doing something, like going for an social event or an evening walk, attending a meeting or a workshop, going for shopping, a lunch or a film. Sitting at home on a bed and entertaining has never been on my agenda. Even if some of them have stolen time from their busy schedule to make at least one courtesy call, they had to make their own cup of tea and a snack if they wished to eat. My hospitality is also under bed rest. Most of my visitors have brought me chocolates (even though they know I have diabetes) No don’t misunderstand them, they don’t want to kill me, they are just being nice. But now the question is that what do I do with so many chocolates flooding my fridge? Soon I may have a retail store....er...

Maybe I will give a chocolate party when I am bit more social..or a chocolate milk-shake?

But for now its 'Me-time' it’s not bad too. I am on reading marathon and have spent most of my time reading. Whoever said ‘books are the best friends’ must be a very wise man. Trapped within the four walls of my room, I am no recluse. I have travelled places enjoying the company of fictitious characters, reading about their adventures, they are not just words, but friends who wrap me and tickle me through and through. These have been fun days.

In between my reading is my virtual communication on social media and on my smart phone. This is a great blessing. I have my large family spread all across the world but they all fit into smaller family groups on BlackBerry and WatsApp. Everybody has their own time for saying ‘good-morning’. While I am sipping my first cup of tea, my cousin will say 'Good-night'..Well, sometimes I do pretend I am following their time schedule and sleep late. The jokes and forwards is plenty. Then there is a shared communication of what is happening in their town. It is fun comparing notes. While my cousins are shivering at minus two degrees, I am wrapped in thin sheet of shawl. Every hour there is discussion. Can’t decide what to cook, ask a cousin, want to see a film, ask a cousin, comment on news, discuss. Family is here on watsapp from Europe to America to Asia…all ready to laugh with me….

Loneliness has not visited me as yet. 

I am not grumpy, Nah! This is my 'Me-Time', and I am having a great time. 

Wrote this post specially for Marathon Bloggers who have a theme of 'Me Time this week.

Shiva Trilogy 1- The Immortals of Meluha

“Look here, like it?” said my 25-years-old nephew as he turned his back to show me the intricate embroidery on the back of his shirt. His dark blue silk shirt had embroidered design of colorful snake wound around Trishul - the tri-fork blade.

“Have you become a disciple of Lord Shiva” I asked, slightly amused but quite impressed with the colorful thread work.

“Yes I have become the follower of dude Shiva who smokes chillum, uses bad language and is the destroyer of evil. He is really cool man".

My jaw dropped.

‘Relax’ he said, “after reading ‘The Mortals of Meluha’ you will understand what I mean” he laughed.

I googled the book online to read the burb

“The story of the man whom legend turned into a God” it said.

The book seemed to be part fiction, part mythological but how did it impress the young man? Maybe he was impressed with the war and violence that seemed to fill its' pages. Oh, It must be all boy stuff and I dismissed it.

Recently, on being confined to bed-rest, post-operation, I went through marathon reading and decided to read this book too.

Yes, this was un-put-down-able-book

‘The Immortals of Meluha’ is the first book of Shiva Trilogy by Amish Tripathy, brought up in a Shaivide family where he has been taught to worship and respect all religions.

It is a fast paced book, with interest never dithering a moment.

I loved reading about Shiva and Sati’s gradual love affair that begins when he watches her dance the first time, it deepens over the various meetings up to the time she finally expresses her love when she is seriously ill.

“I wish I had told you earlier,” murmured Sati, “because the first time that I am telling you will also be the last.”

Shiva continued to look at her, his voice choked.

Sati looked deeply into Shiva’s eyes, whispering softly, “I love you.’

That is the soft moment.

I have always been fascinated about Shiva dance that I have seen it perform by some Shiva devotees during several religious meetings. This dance is very well described in this book.

A beautiful eternal dance of love.

“Dancing was something Shiva was as accomplished in as in warfare. The dance conveyed the various emotions of a woman. In the beginning it conveyed her feeling of joy and lust as she cavorted with her husband. The next emotion was anger and pain at the treacherous killing of her mate. Despite his rough masculine body, Shiva managed to convey the tender yet strong emotions of a grieving woman.”

Shiva is so human and approachable. He makes mistakes and learnt from them.

The character of Anandmayi is also adorable, she being strong, fearless and sensual. She is the one who made me realize that Chandravanshis were not evil people.

Nagas are believed to be the evil forces behind the terrorist attacks that need to be destroyed but a human side of the Naga is shown when they try to save two women from being eaten by crocodile.

I am not sure if ‘Somras’ would be the preferred drink in present world, knowing the growing population of world today and all were to live more than 200 years, but I am equally fascinated by its' effects.

People looked young although they are more than 100 years old. What makes this possible is the brilliance of magic potion called ‘Somras- the drinks of the Gods invented by Lord Brahma. The power of the somras, when administered to selected group achieved a reverential status, which was used for the good of the society. They were not allowed to charge anything for their service, and had to live on alms and donations from others.

The city of Devagiri is a perfect town but I am still impressed with Ayodhya that resembles somewhat like Mumbai city with bad infrastructure, but people living a content life.

Some of the other excerpts that I liked

Page 86

Only your karma is important. Not your birth. Not your sex. And certainly not the color of your throat. Our entire society is based on merit.

Page 153

‘I think’ said Daksha smiling, ‘the most powerful force in a woman’s life is the need to be appreciated, loved and cherished for what she is’

Page 215

‘Transactions are threads that when woven together make up a society, its culture. Or in the case of a person, they weave together his character.’ If you want to understand a person’s character, look closely at his interpersonal behavior or his transactions.

The book is an interesting read. Waiting to read part 2 and 3.