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Monday, 31 December 2012

Living in an Unsafe World

No, Don’t wish me ‘Happy New Year’ I am not in mood. There is nothing to celebrate. You tell me to move on, things are not going to change.

How can I?

I am still angry and distressed when I think about the suffering she went through at the heinous acts of six men. Each time I think of her, a chill runs through my spine. Did they have no consciousness and the sensitivity of a human being? Is their desire for violence so strong that they lose all their decency? What kind of parents do they have? Should I blame these parents who have been unsuccessful in instilling good values in their family? Or should I blame the system that does not enforce strict laws?

Good upbringing and proper communication with the parents plays a very important role in the development of a child. It depends on moral values instilled in childhood that shapes up their personality. Poverty and social status has nothing to do with the kind of person you will grow up to be.

Whatever values are induced in our system during childhood remains with us forever.

I lost my father at the age of 3years and childhood was difficult with limited funds to sustain but my mom was a strong woman who always reminded us to follow a clean path. She instilled fear in us from doing anything wrong. I don’t lie, nor steal or commit any crime, why? Because I belong to a polished family, where mom always stuck to the truth.

This was possible because there was no communication gap.

Who are these men then, who commit such crimes? Can I blame their parents? Are they violent because they did not grow up in healthy environment or they grew up in the house where there was no order and discipline? Maybe their parents were so busy in their own problems that they could not communicate with their children during their growing up years.

Or should I blame the system? 

So many crimes are committed everyday and there is no law to protect its’ citizens. There are no severe punishments and many of the crimes are not even reported because of the slack judiciary system, But then, I am thinking whether such crimes happen in foreign countries too and how do they succeed in controlling crime? whether people do eve-teasing just for fun to get some cheap thrills?

When I travel abroad I see lots of bare skin, on the beaches, in the clubs and even on the streets. Group of women are seen at the bar, drinking hard drinks, laughing loudly, dancing with strangers. They are not loose women, they are just girls who want to have fun. They are not molested or raped. Men don’t stare. Nobody bothers them.

Indians have never learnt to respect women. Whether you are Sita or Draupati, men will never respect you. This is the mind-set of Indian men. They feel their need to dominate over woman.

The family is the basic cell of government: it is where we are trained to believe that we are human beings or that we are chattel, it is where we are trained to see the sex and race divisions and become callous to injustice even if it is done to ourselves, to accept as biological a full system of authoritarian government.~ Gloria Steinem
However strict the laws will be, unless we change the attitude and mentality of men in the society, we will never be a free nation.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Respect Women

A part of me died today when I woke up this morning and heard that 23-years old-rape-victim died after a long struggle. She had a strong desire to live and see the justice done to culprits who tortured her so mercilessly. But alas! She will never know if the justice was done, ever.

Today I am glad that I never mothered a child.

This is the country we live where men do not respect woman, where she is blamed for every crime. Punished for the choices she makes at home, at work place, in the society.  Will it ever end?

The injustice starts as soon as she steps in the womb. She is not welcomed, families’ doctors and professional are willing to discard her even before she is born.

Who has courage to stop these men who make women’s life miserable? When it did start? Who put these ideas in men’s head that he is superior to woman and that it’s his right to abuse her.

This is the society we live in where people are not punished for the wrong things that they do. One of the reasons our judiciary lies in shambles is because we live in corrupt society where rich get away with the atrocities by bribing the superiors and victims are embarrassed in such a way that they back out.

Actually the abuses begin at home. It’s the mindset of the men in the house that needs to change. If wife forgets to add salt in the dhal, why can’t he get up and bring it to adjust the taste? What is the need to raise the roof?  If the bare-exposed skin distracts him then the problem lies with him, why can’t he control his own emotions? What does it matter if she is dressed in the way she is comfortable? Why does he expect daughter-in-law to bring gifts from her maternal home, is he a beggar who cannot buy what he wants?

Why can’t they ‘let-it-be’?

Why can’t man adjust and learn to accept the change? My friend, who had lived in Delhi for some years, talks about her experience saying that if she dared to go out after 9pm, she would get lewd remarks and dirty stares from men. She says that going out late night was like defying their laws and they want to punish them for acting too smart.

I think the problem is with the man. He has a tendency to transform into a dangerous wolf after sunset. He needs to be accompanied by a woman to control his libido.

However strict the laws are, nothing can change unless his mind-set changes. He can be punished for rape and murder if convicted but how to punish a man, who tortures his family day and night?

Man has to learn to respect woman.

There is no other way.

All that we can do is pray that they understand and respect if they can....

Friday, 28 December 2012

Sorry, Wrong Number

image source

Last week I called a stranger who has been receiving calls from people in my contact list. He is an angry middle-aged man who gets irritated each time people from my contact list call him. They call him and ask him to call ‘Pushee’ he shouts back saying that he does not know any ‘Pushee’ and to stop bothering him.

I know it’s very frustrating when you receive call for a person you don’t know.

I decided to make a courteous call to him.

“Hello, is this…xxxxxx277, I am ‘Pushee’ speaking”

“Oh! So you are Pushee? I get too many calls asking for you, this is very frustrating because sometimes they insist that they need to speak to you even after I tell them they have a wrong number.”

“Well, I want to apologize to you, I am aware that people from my contact list are bothering you, but I am really sorry.”

I explained to him that I used to have two phone numbers, one with last three numbers as 277 and other with 477. I had surrendered my xxxxxx277 back to Vodafone and that number has been allotted to him. Most of my family members and my friends are not aware that I have another number too, I requested him to inform them, when they contact him and direct them to my line at xxxxxx477.

He softened when I said ‘sorry’ again.

“Okay, I understand” he said, “It is such a pleasure to speak to you. I am glad you told me. Now that I know I will give them your number as xxxxx477, and one more thing, you have a lovely voice.”

Hmmn, all that ends well with a compliment ends the best

Yesterday, I received a call from a friend who was directed to my phone when she made a call to xxxxxx277.

One phone call to offer apology, made a difference to his mood. He is no more irritated now when he gets a call asking for ‘Pushee’

“Oh ‘Pushee’ you mean?” he says gently, “you have a wrong number, can you call her on xxxxxx477 please?”

This post is shared with FB group Marathon Bloggers, who write one post per day during the month of December 2012

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Aurat Band Day

The 23-years old continue to suffer in the hospital. Have you ever hurt your knee? A small scratch and the pain is severe, so much that you may moan for days, complain about not being able to move. Here we have this girl, whose internal organs are damaged and she may not be able to lead a normal life, even if she survives. She suffers thus because she lives in an unsafe country such as India, where the law is so slack that men continue to be lusty, attacking women like mad wolves, punishing her for moving around city after dark. This will continue to happen, or it may even get worse if no action is taken by Government to curb this violence. There have been protest in Delhi and Mumbai by young people but no action as yet.

But they will have to listen to the cry for help towards making our city safe for women, and for the future generation where we know that woman will contribute to the development of the society. She has a great potential to give her best, that will mean that she will be willing to work at any hours of the day, attending corporate meetings and late dinners perhaps. She needs her own independence to move around the city that should be safe for her. Men who try to obstruct her path or try to dominate her should be punished. There should be some law that should force the man to respect the independence of a woman and she will not rest till she finds herself secure.
Respect woman.
How many corporate houses have only men working for them? There are stenographers who keep all the paper work in order, keeping tract of all the assignments and making important calls. There are women who serve coffee and may even clean the corridors.
How comfortable are men who are bachelors and living on their own? Are their cabinets and wardrobes clean? What about their kitchen? Do they eat well?
There would be poor economy if woman did not shop. What use will the malls be if there were no shoppers? Men get bored of shopping and run to the food courts as soon as they can escape, it’s the women who keep the shop running.
Women are important in every aspect, they can make the world come to a standstill.
You still don’t believe it?
Well, be ready for ‘Aurat Band’
Women don’t be seen\heard or work. See how India works then! Aurat Bandh. I’m saying let’s give them what they want. Go on an aurat bandh! Let all women not b seen or heard. No shopping, no housework. Nothing. 
— Huma Qureshi, actor
Aurat Bandh declared across India. Request all women 2 support it...skip work and show your support and fight for our safety. 
— Chandan Roy Sanyal,actor
AuratBandh on 26 DECEMBER! Yes, women out there raise your voice against crime. No work on 26 DECEMBER. Spread the word. Show them what you are. 
— Kriti Thukral
Yo women! Guess what? NO WORK ON DEC 26! Even if you’re a home maker, DO NOT work! Let’s see how they function without us! AuratBandh! 
Discussions about auratbandh... right or wrong...worth it or not... well...if this isn’t, then nothing is— Akanksha Shukla
Women strike work. This is a good way to protest. Nation will certainly come to a halt 
—Chitra Narayanan

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