BollyWood is ‘Maid’ up of all ‘Un-Shiney’ people! Rascal! Bai-Sexual!

Every news channel in India is talking about Shiney Ahuja…(see, I can remember his name, for otherwise, I am lousy at remembering names,.) Well, this Shiney looked like a nice guy in movies.(.but then, most of the heroes in the film do look good, what with all that make-up et-al)…but, he turned out to be such a big goonda…raping a maid? Bollywood is filled up with people who could have readily quenched his libido, free of charge, why go and rape a helpless minor? Is he really ‘Bai-sexual’ (like my friend commented on her FB status.) And, his wife comes to his rescue… “Anupam Ahuja on Wednesday mounted a spirited defense of her husband Shiney Ahuja who has been accused of raping their maid in their Oshiwara home.” Screamed the paper headlines today. Now, that is strange! I am sure his wife knows him well, why is she defending him,and blaming the maid of raping her husband?? At a press conference, she said her ‘soulmate’ and ‘doting father to our daughter’ was innocent and was being framed. “Rape is a very heinous crime and in these times, rape can be committed not just by a man; we all know that even a woman can do it,” she said, adding that her husband was being framed “possibly because he is a celebrity and all celebrities are soft targets’’. And I want to ask her as to how will she explain the blood on the scene of crime (bed) and the brutal marks on her body? There are clear evidences that the girl has been abused by her hubby, her dearest hubby, Ahem! Come on! Be practical Anupam. You must know your husband well. ….let him rot in jail for seven years, let his career be doomed for ever This will be a good lesson for all men who take poor people for granted and believe that they can freely abuse anyone.. arrey.. Media is strong now-a-days. Don’t you know that? You really cannot fool around… Very powerful I say, and very strong… and the media's verdict is 'GUILTY' NOW, BUT, PARANTU, KINTU, over to justice, law and police...proof, money, witness, believers, nonbelivers...Fate will be decided by luck alone.... Prayers might also help Understand?

Should we use pincers to block the stink?

I have travelled to Pune from Mumbai four times during these last two months, visiting my family again and again. Although it is just four hours ride by Volvo, I want a break of journey. I eagerly wait for bowel relief at Lonavala. Can’t help it, every time I see a service room I want to oblige. \ During these stops, I rush off to a rest room before I can even think of cup-a- coffee, or bite of batatawadas. (Lonavala is known for its hot and spicy Vada-Pav) But, when I enter a loo, I am always disappointed. My stomach goes somersaulting into its customary grip. However beautiful the bathroom may be constructed with Formica doors, shiny tiles and steel taps, the bathrooms are always wet and dirty. The stink over-powers the air from ventilation, seems like some decaying corpse is behind one of those doors. The attendants are either fast asleep or you have them staring at you, begging for some tip. “Clean this darn toilet puleeeej” I want to scream at them, but looking at their bored expression, I just wrap my nose with my scarf and finish my job in a jiffy. There is overwhelming sense of annoyance and frustration followed instantly by depression. Wat-d-heck?? Don’t people in India know to use western toilets????? Come on!!!! How do they make the toilets wet? Why are there no toilet tissue rolls in there? Why are the taps always leaking?? Must we carry our own toilet tissue rolls everywhere? Most of the Indians are used to squat toilets and therefore must be confused when they see western toilets. I believe, they must not be using the seats, but sitting on the floor instead and throwing gallons of water on the floor after use. Or maybe they are squatting on the top of the bidet. It is important to educate them as to how they must use it. Something should be done. I am really fed up of all this stink and dirt. Thinking of some solutions? Thinking, thinking, thinking,,,Got it!!! Maybe, tiles of this kind can be installed in every public toilet that will guarantee the right way to sit on the toilet seat... Better still, a cleansing jet of water designed to wash the anus of the user of this bidet-style toilet should be installed at every toilet. That way, they won’t play with water to pass time or splash water on the walls and door. Or maybe a coin operated toilet? Isn’t that a good idea? If such facilities are available to Indians, they might forfeit the idea of urinating on the walls or carry their tin mugs to the nearest fields to relieve themselves and they may even help keep our toilets clean!! Air fresheners will not be a problem; I am willing to invent some creative ideas to sell them commercially.

What should I wear????

Each time I receive a wedding invitation, I get worried…No, I am not unhappy that one more couple is getting married. Actually I have nothing against any one getting married, it’s okay for me if they want to start a new life together but why give me an invitation to attend their marriage? What work do I have? I am not required to perform any rites, nor do I enjoy dancing or singing loudly at the weddings. I don’t even drink any hard/soft drinks nor eat those oily foodstuffs with dripping mayonnaise. So what do I do at these weddings? Just dress up and keep a smile? Dressing up? Now that’s another headache! I am worried about what shall I wear? The other day, I went with the groom’s mother for her shopping and I was shocked. Each outfit was costing her around 80-90 grand! Then there were solitaires and fancy footwear. During the wedding she will be worth more than 2 lakhs at each occasion. And there are four such occasions before and after the wedding. I asked her as to why would she spend so much money in doling herself, when it is not even her wedding and she said that she was groom’s mom, the centre of attraction, and would want to look good in photographs. The hostess should be well dressed. Okay! So where do I fit in? Whatever I wear, it will look cheap even if it costs me 10 grand. (Not that I will spend so much money on one outfit.. Nah! not me) And why must I invest so much money for somebody else’s wedding? And what do I do with that outfit after the wedding is over, can I repeat it? I could, only if there are different set of people but if there are same group of people at another wedding then repeating is a sin. They might say ”Oh this outfit., I remember. You still have it? You also wore it at XYZ’s wedding. Hai na??” Come on, you don’t expect me to throw away my expensive clothes after just one wash, do you? Gimme a break!!! So, the second best thing is not to attend the wedding at all. I will bless the couple online maybe in my night suit. Who care!

Caferati Read-Meet (23rd May 09) at Belapur

There were no Samosas this time, but still I enjoyed the read-meet like I always do, but then, who says that we go to eat Samosas?…it is read-meet, right? So, you are supposed to meet and read.. get it? Also, when somebody is reading in this group, then, you are supposed to listen carefully, and not allow your mind to wander away, looking around, admiring the paintings on the walls, or clicking pictures because, at the end of each read, you are expected to give a feedback. (think! think! did you like it? what did you like? what doesn't work for you?) everybody is expected to participate(Imagine, if ever body gave the feedback then who would be the just listener? not allowed huh?) Now, giving feedback is such a pain...Grrrhh! (array baba, giving feedback is also an art na, that has to be developed,) you need a loud voice and confidence to speak your mind and, and, of course, you need to have editorial qualities to comment on some body’s else’s work without getting punched back on your face….. (I am afraid if they say, "you think you know better than me? huh? How dare you strip my work!") Okay. Okay, I will need to work on giving feedback too….But I just need time….Actually, I am not used to making personal comments unless I am asked to (I think people are noticing that I hardly ever comment at the read-meet and that, I am told is ‘not fair’, to get a feedback, we must learn to give it first....point noted... :) Anyways, this month, the read meet was organized at Menka’s beautiful garden behind her house, in the interiors of Belapur, way far from city of Mumbai. We sat under bougainvillea trees, to the back ground music of water fall, so close to nature, surrounded by the sweet fragrance of flowers. While we waited for the members to arrive, we had a small informal chat. We were discussing about the demography of the people of Mumbai verses people of Delhi and their behavior pattern, their habit of staring too much, their ability to cheat and lie and finally, we arrived at a conclusion that 'Delhi sucks'…… (sorry) Next, a formal read meet started with a small round of introduction, disclosing our ID and our nature of writings. And then the readings of fiction and poetry began. There were a long discussions after each reading, on points that were important for good writing, such as, making the fiction work more expressive, to show and not to tell, to chop off all the unnecessary details that are not important to te story, and to create a drama in order to get the attention of the reader/listener. There was much discussion on the usage of words such as editorial/reportage While editorial can be bias and can be just an opinion, reportage are pure facts and are written in formal accounts with correct details. For example: A RICH Man wanted to tell a certain lie, but the lie was of such monstrous size that it stuck in his throat; so he employed an Editor to write it out and publish it in his paper as an editorial. Policeman, on the other hand, will give the proper details to a reporter. Since the group was small, (only twelve people attended this month’s read meet). It ended early. Then came the best part…chow chow..peet puja…(I was hungry too) .there were (vegetarian and non vegetarian,) puff pastries, wafers and cake. The meeting lasted for over two hours and the group dispersed by 6:30pm. I was lucky, I got a lift back home, thanks to Menka, who had meeting to attend at Hotel Marriot and she would drive through my route (passing through Bandra)… I feel blessed, travelling in style…back home.

Tangy Taste

My friend, Aanchal Adukia, send me a SMS inviting me for demonstration of dips, dressing and salads. Naturally I was interested and decided to go and it was really worth it. My niece and I travelled for nearly an hour to reach her Malad residence. Her table was laden with all kinds of sauces and chopped veggies. On our arrival she served us a chilled drink made from ice tea, which had chopped apples, strawberries and squashed mint leaves. This was very refreshing. We sat on the dinning table and watched as she started demonstrating each dish. One tip she gave was that for mixing of salad, dips or dressing, it should be done in glass containers and it should be chilled before serving. She made three types of dips namely mango creamer, garlic and dill delite and parsley and parmesan dips These dips can be had with wafers, or vegetables like cucumber, carrots, radish, etc. Interesting way of serving these dishes are to keep the veggies strips in stripes along the long plate and insert a small cups of dips in between. Sounds interesting? hmmn! Then she went on to make three different types of dressings like Italian extravaganza, Miami blues and Island Myst. Of the three I enjoyed Italian extravaganza the most and loved the mustard flavor in it. In any dressing the common things that are used are olive oil, vinegar, salt, sugar and pepper. We can make the dressing or dips and store it in glass containers for more than one week…so that is good news for a lazy person like me, hahahaha, (pss.. actually I am not lazy at all) The salads were the most important part of this demonstration, and it just involves chopping and mixing. What is most important is the correct combination to get its rich taste. Some had walnuts in it and some had chestnuts, some had apples and some pomegranate…..the trick is the combination……. The next best part arrived when we sat down to taste…well I didn’t just taste, I ate and ate, till I was sure that I would not require any more helping….. And of course I skipped dinner……