Old age Blues

Off late, I have been highly disturbed by the plight of old people and I keep worrying about my own old age. Will I age gracefully or will I be a vegetable? Every palm reader has informed me of ripe old age, but would I like to live too long?? I believe they are cursing me. What else should I say? If I were to live to be very, very old, will I be as healthy as I am today? Not that I am perfectly healthy today, but I have got so used to living with continuous pain all my life that I cease to care.

But the pain I see in the senior people's life puts me into a depression mode. The other day, I was talking to this 65 year old woman. In her youth she worked as a lecturer of History and then graduated as an accountant in her brother's export house. Five years ago, she retired and has been depressed since then. With her deteriorating eye sight, she cannot read, her frail health (arthritis) has stalled her day-to-day activities. The only healthy organ in her body is her tongue, which is the source of sorrow to her happiness and to others too. She complains that nobody ever spends much time with her and she finds her days, way too long. I suggested old age home to her, where she could find company with her like-minded people but her family members were aghast by such suggestion.

In India, old people require too much attention and only a dedicated volunteer is able to give that kind of attention. But in times like these, there is scarcity of dedicated volunteers too. In Indian society, it is a disgrace to sent away your aging parents to an old-age home as a result the personal life of family members suffers. One of my close friends had to resign from her steady and secure job (of teaching special children in Dubai) to take care of her ailing mother who is suffering from Parkinson's disease and her father, who cannot see clearly. Her life revolves around her parents; her dedication towards them is amazing. It requires lot of sacrifices, she has neither any social life, nor movies, nor late nights, nor long walks alone by the sea-shore, nor does she have time to read a book! Many times, I see her highly depressed and I suggest her to do some short term course so that she can keep herself up-to-date, but she has no time to learn or attend any workshop.

In Europe it is different. During my regular visits to Spain, I find old people happy and enjoying every moment of their lives. I meet them at the beaches, at the clubs, and even at beauty parlors. They take good care of themselves, live on their own and are fashionably dressed. Some of them even have a novio(boyfriend) The state looks after their needs and they are treated like royalty. They have active senior citizen groups who go regularly on state sponsored trips. Even the sick and weak one is well cared for. The family members don't have to sacrifice their personal lives to volunteer their help. Last year, when I was admitted in the hospital for my broken arm, I was sharing a room with an old woman. Her laughter was so contagious that it had nurses and care takers in splits.

I am not saying that all old people in Europe are cheerful and all old people in India are depressed. It's just the attitude of the people. There were some sad ones there too who sat by their window, gazing at the empty street but those were very few. They are not like Indians, whose second nature is to worry and take unnecessary stress of things they cannot control and whine in self-pity over their incapability. European are more open and receptive. Maybe, it's the clean air, good food and quality of life style which keep them cheerful, the acceptance of living independently and not taking unnecessary stress of the family who are grown-ups now, or/and, of letting go of the responsibility of the household and a desire to enjoy the rest of the life in peace.

I don't wish to live in Europe, I like living in India, but that is the attitude I wish to maintain when I come of age. But can we live with that kind of attitude in India? Can we really live a stress free life?

Do you think old age is a curse???? What would you do to make your own old age interesting????

Whats wrong with old-age home? huh?

Imagine if you have an aging father, and you are unable to take care of him, For aged mother, it is not so difficult. Aged Mom can spent her time watching TV, attending various mandirs and tikaras, gossiping with friends in the park, she will be busy taking care of the house, searching for odds and ends to occupy her time, she will stitch the torn ends, cut the veggies, wash the plates and even make chappatis. or simply pass time taking panga with her daughter-in-law. She is never bored. But aging father? It is difficult. There are very few activities for him to do except to read newspaper, which he cannot read if he has poor eye-sight. We don’t expect him to help in the kitchen. At the most, he can go for walks or he can baby sit. But he needs/expects his tea/lunch/snack/dinner/attention/pampering, all at his convenience, and that is difficult nowadays, when there is so much of a work load. I don’t understand why old-age-home is a taboo in our Indian society. I was suggesting an old age home to my Indian friend who was worried about her aged father, and she looked shocked as if she had seen a ghost. Come on, be practical. If you look at these homes with open mind, they are no so bad, especially the ones where you can pay and stay comfortably. There are some good old age homes in India, where they take a deposit of five lakhs of rupees and you pay the rent of rupees ten thousand per month. They have an air conditioned private room plus they can have great number of professional to look to their mental/culinary/health needs. These homes ensure good health care, full services for a fee. These apartments which are equipped with 24 hour medical services, dining and recreational facilities, wheel chair facilities are available for a monthly maintenance charge plus the initial cost of the apartment. These independent living retirement arrangements enable the older people to enjoy life without being bothered about day-to-day maintenance. They can actively participate in the activities of the residents and also play games, swim, go out shopping and enjoy other cultural activities. Usually food is provided but the enterprising ones can cook their own meals. Such senior housing facilities are for those senior citizens who cannot take full responsibility but still want to be independent. Nothing however will take the place of staying at home with the family. Love and affection and the feeling of being wanted and needed can never be replaced by anything. Senior citizens staying in a family environment are the ideal scenario that they would want provided that is what the others want. But some times, certain things cannot be helped. Wise decision always helps.