I Can Prove that I am a Mumbaite.

I will say "town" and I expect you to know that this means south of Churchgate. (In Bandra, it is a suburb) I speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Mumbaiya Hindi', which only mumbaites can understand.(Samjhe kya?) My door has more than three locks (Two strong one and one latch). Rupees 500 worth of groceries can fit in one paper bag.(its quite expensive here) Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of my close friend’s life.(and they won’t speak to me, not even on their mobile) I spend more time each month traveling than I spend at home. (it takes me more than four hours to pay a visit of two hours at my school) I call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall. (Can’t help it) My paying guests are paying Rupees 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and they think it's a "steal." (and I let them believe it) I have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Bombay. Cabbies and bus conductors think I am from Mars if I call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road . Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which my nieghbours follow passionately. (and they are happy to share) The first thing that we read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement.(or a midday) I take fashion seriously. (I update my knowledge on TV) I am suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to me. I cannot see Hookers, beggars and the homeless at traffic signals (I am always short of change) I always compare Mumbai to New York's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India. (NY’s Queens suburb is quite backward) The most frequently used part of my car is the horn. ( I wonder how they clear traffic in western world) I insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport.(Why did they change it any way?) I consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. (what do they want, huh?) My idea of personal space is no one actually standing on my toes. (my friends can call me before every visit) Being truly alone makes me nervous.(I would rather go to a crowded mall) I love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it ''romantic'.(specially if we fall in the open manhole) Only in Mumbai I can get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken. (and it is available at every cross road) Don’t get confused when in Mumbai, follow your instinct not the name...Because.... Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station. There is no darkness in Andheri. Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden. No king ever stayed at Kings Circle. Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus. Nor is there any princess at Princess Street. Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines. The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi. There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar. Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps. Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar Tram Terminus (Dadar T.T.). Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital. Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water. You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street. There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl. There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada. Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market. Null bazaar does not sell taps You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar. Kalachowki does not have a black Police station. Hanging Gardens are not suspended. Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies. Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi, Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi, Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!!! so Beware!