Cricket fever!

Hey you naughty boy! Stop bawling now! I know, I know, it hurts. I shouldn’t have wriggled your ears thus. I admit it. More than ninety degrees hurts. But you deserved it. Isn’t it? I expected you to do well. Imagine you go all the way to a strange land to play cricket and you come back so soon? You couldn’t even reach super eight! Yesterday, the media people called me. They want their money back…all their endorsement…I will never again be able to see you smiling and eating those fancy chocolates on those hoarding again. Now those film stars are smiling! Okay, calm down now. Let me think. So, what do you plan to do? I have a brilliant idea. Come, now you must learn to help me in the kitchen. You must learn to keep yourself busy. Isn’t it? Now that your cricket career is over, you must seriously think of new profession. There is lot of money in food business too. If you display your culinary skills well, the media will follow you there too; they may give you a slot in TV channels. You might even get many endorsement there too, don’t you worry about that. Eh? I will teach you basics first, then, you can enroll in the catering college. Here take this bowl, wash it for me. No! Don’t hold it like that. It’s just a steel bowl. It’s not a world cup! You dropped that cup already. Now, now! Don’t start bawling again. I told you there is an alternate profession for you. Let me teach you to make a salad first. Remember the first step to cooking is to make good salads. Hey! What are you doing? Don’t rub that against your thigh! Oh, Oh! You don’t shine that. Look carefully, that’s a potato! See that? Give me that! I said GIVE IT TO ME. Ouch! You didn’t have to swing it at me like that! You naughty boy! When will you learn! Huh? Okay, now let’s start cutting the vegetables. Here, take this knife. Uuufff! You don’t hold the knife with both hands! Just fingers man. Just fingers of hand only. Understand! Okay, never mind, leave this to me. Here, you take this carrot. What are you DOING? Why are you swinging your arms like that? You don’t need warming exercises here! Just swing your wrist. Take this grater, hold the carrot and swing it with your wrist. See! How easy it is to grate a carrot. Oh my Gawd! You cannot keep these three cucumbers in the plate like that. I understand! I understand! They remind you of those wickets. But it’s over! IT IS OVER! Now chop those and arrange it on this plate. Hmmm! The salad looks good. Perfectly oval-shaped arrangement! Now let’s boil some lentils. Lentils are easy to cook too. We just wash, rinse and pressure cook. Here, help me with this cooker. Wokaaay! When you hear four whistling sounds, you must put off the gas. No, you don’t whistle, the pressure cooker will. You wait here while I go and take a bath. BOOM! SIXER! What the HELL! OH MY GOODNESS! NOW, SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT OFF THAT GAS? HUH? Come now; help me clean this lentil from the ceiling and the walls. You are good not nothing! Hey! You naughty boy! You start bawling again?