Literary Carnival ’13 at Mehboob Studio

What pleased me the most about this 3-days-Literary Carnival was that it was happening in my side of the city at Bandra and it was just an auto ride away from my house but the sad part was that I was busy with other appointments and was able to attend only a fraction of this event. But, whatever event I attended was very satisfying to my mind and soul.

This year, the theme revolved around ‘Romance, Love and Violence’ and most of the panel discussions were inextricably linked to these topics.

There were writers, poets, serious thinkers, students, the ambience was fully charged. Large open space occupied the center stage that was surrounded by food kiosks, bookstore and different venues. Those who sat in this open space socialized discussing books and their area of interests, a big serpentine queue waited patiently to get the autographed copy of their favorite writers and those who grabbed a snack or drink kept their attention focused on which event to attend next. The four venues (Adhitya Birla Hall, Yes Bank Hall, Lodha Hall, HDFC Home Loans Lawns) were few steps away from each other and it was easy to move in and out of venues and try to absorb all the conversations. Two big screens and clear audio system at every location made it possible to pay attention even from a distance.

Day one of Literary Carnival ’13, I sat in the open lawn to take part in a workshop on ‘How to attract eye-balls on the story’ It was an hour session during which Indira Chandrashekar of ‘Out Of Print’ brought to our attention that the opening paragraphs of a short story should be powerful enough to arouse an interest of the reader. "There should be the element of curiosity" she said. She read an opening paragraph from a book ‘Too Much Happiness’ by Alice Munro and participants were asked to analyze the story. During the second segment of the session, she read an opening paragraph from her own story ‘She Can Sing’ and participants were asked to create a follow up and write a story.  Listening to the different perspective to the same opening paragraph of the story was very enlightening.

The session at ‘Yes Bank Hall’ on ‘If Food Be The Music Of Love’ was an enlightening one. We were given a box of chocolates, asked to eat one and share the emotion connected with it. Chocolate creates much pleasure on our moods. The session went on to discuss the different kinds of foods and its’ aphoristic effect on our emotions. Some Hollywood filmstrips were also shown where food plays the important part in producing sensuality. The sex associated with different fruits and spices was discussed. I realized, I was attending the session on sex and sensuality when I had thought I would learn some tricks on how to write on food literature…but it was an interesting session and I start to look at food with different approach… Madhu Jain, Managing editor of IQ, moderated the session with Prabeen Singh, food columnist, Pushpesh Pant, author of many cookbooks, and Fantasie Fine Chocolate entrepreneur Zeba Kohli as the guests..

'At Lodha Hall', I attended two sessions in a row: History and Fiction, ‘Blurring the lines’ and ‘How many liberties can a biographer take?’ It was interesting to hear the experiences of the historians and how they dealt with sensitive topics, especially of the living person and how much liberties can one take while writing fiction in real cities. A lot of research is required to get the facts right and one may even have to go to live in that city for months to understand the history of that city.

While the day was spend attending panel discussions of well-known authors or attending some literary workshops, evening was magical at Literature Carnival in Bandra. The music dominated the attention of every person at the open-air lawn, all mesmerized by sounds of sitar strings that were interspersed with the poetry of Hafeez and other Sufi mystics. Many people were busy with their mobiles checking their email or chatting on Watsapp, but their feet moved to the rhythm of the music that floated easily in the air....

The event was very well organized with volunteer fully in control working to their best of their efficiency. I think Mehboob studio is the perfect venue to hold such kind of events.

Seriously, Learn to respect Women!

I don’t disrespect elders.

Disrespect is something that has never been tolerated in my family all through my growing up years. The elders were always right, we never saw their flaws but reasoned out all their wrong doings that we observed, making excuses for their sloppiness, their carelessness and the rude remarks they made.

But today, I am running short of excuses for elderly Guru who made insensitive remark. 

I am shocked with what the self-proclaimed guru, AsaRam had to say. “The rape would not have happened if the victim was more careful” he says. Excuse me? Address the rapist as ‘brother’ and he is likely to change his intention? A man who is charged with lusty desires and has no sensitivity nor the respect for a woman will change his intention (just in a flash) as soon as he hears the word ‘brother’ spilling out of woman’s lips?

Give me a break!

His spokesperson, Neelam, defends her Guru and blames the victim too, saying that she would never board a bus full of men and would rather take a taxi. 

This is ridiculous! 

When too many auto-rickshaws refuse, it gets so frustrating that we normally look for an alternative route, we don’t get suspicious if we are offered a lift by a private bus, specially if we are asked to pay for the journey.

Honestly speaking, I cannot understand people’s blind faith in Gurus. Why do people dote on them so much and believe them to be Gods? They are human beings (just like you and me) who are here to guide their devotees to follow a path to spirituality, to find the supreme power within them, to maintain peace within. But only some Gurus are sincere and focused. Most of them are still trapped in social circus and will do anything to bring the attention, even if it means making a fool of themselves with their insensitive remarks. Misogynist godmen influence their million followers to become misogynist.

It is unfortunate, that 23-year-old was raped so brutally and was not able to survive, but to blame the victim for the crime committed by men is not fair at all.

Instead of learning to respect women and changing their mind set, the men continue to blame women for the cruelty of men.

What has dress sense and decision to make a living got to do with modesty?

I am not sure whether these men are foolish or they wish to be in limelight, but since December 16^th, when this horrendous incident took place, except for our Prime Minister (who just utters ‘theekhai’ and a complete silence from Sonia Gandhi(the decision maker?), there has been continuous stream of insensitive remarks made by some or the other political/religious leaders.

Is there some kind of competition on who has the worst ‘foot-in-the-mouth-disease-with-disgusting-comments’?

What has mobiles and noodles got to do with women’s behavior

Why can’t men change his mindset and learn to respect women?

Men have never learnt to respect women, history tells it all. The great epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana offers insight on how the rape works in India: Abduction by Ravana of Sita who dared to cross the Laxman-Rekha, thus blaming the woman for going beyond her restricted area and entering the open space. 

“Women should wear overcoats and travel in separate buses”

“Fashionable women provoke rape”

Women should sit at home like private property of men”

The wrath of Draupati on Dushashana’s assault while her husbands and the clan watched silently, cannot be ignored. She promised to keep her hair loose till she got her justice and a possible war to destroy the clan to get her revenge.  She berated men for their inability to defend her and reminded them that her body belong to her and not to be used as a property to be given away to Kauravas over a gambling game. 

The protest that followed after the assault of 23years old girl (whom the nation addressed as Braveheart) was the similar anger at the government for not taking necessary action to protect the women and making streets safe.

Not just in India, but women around the world are exploited, molested and raped by these deplorable men.

Women's rights activist and author of The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler, tells NDTV that she sees a breakthrough happening in India with the nation breaking its silence on rape.

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/the-buck-stops-here/in-conversation-with-eve-ensler/261009?hp

On 14^th February, V-day’s 15^th anniversary, one billion women and girls from around the world will come together to express their outrage and rise in defiance of the injustices women suffer.

Indian women will also participate, demanding an end to violence against women that include rape, molestation, dowry, girl-child abortions, etc. 

World is changing, more and more women are getting educated, they are going to become important decision makers in the future, and such insensitive comments has to stop. 

Whatever they decide to wear, it’s their body; it does not imply that they are asking for rape.

All these ‘dented and painted’ sexist comments have to stop! Women are intelligent, they can differentiate right from wrong, and men should learn to deal with it. 

Break the bones of Violence

At the age of 11 years, I had decided never to marry.

Mom told me that there is no true love in this world, it’s just all about compromise……”What you see in the movies is all myth,”, said mom, “ life is a long struggle of do’s and don’ts, and there is too much sadness and difficulties for a married woman. It’s better you study, be well-educated and make yourself independent, if you have enough money to support yourself, there is really no need to marry.” She said.

True that!

Over the years I have realized that if you have enough money, education and a firm belief in yourself, life for you is a better lot than those who have no faith in themselves, no spine to fight back and cannot respect themselves. If you decide to remain single, it’s not a curse at all but if you are married then you should learn to hold your reins of happiness.

And the stories that I have read over the week on ‘Violence towards women’ are very distressing too….and many-a-times I count my blessings on remaining single.

I am not sure how I would have dealt with this situation if I had to face one, but I do know that I am not likely to take shit from anyone....er..again I am not sure...

My point is not that you walk out of an abusive marriage but that you should not allow somebody to take advantage of you.

If he is taunting unnecessarily or randomly teasing you, it’s better to ignore him than to react, you don’t have to listen to his every complaint if you feel that he has ‘Middle-cast-mentality’. Fear is the main key of violence. When we show fear, we become subdued and that gives them greater pleasure in making him believe that he is powerful.

I am not a man-hater; in fact, I enjoy male company more than women’s company. I am not the type who enjoys discussing maid’s and children’s problems. I instead enjoy discussion on money and investments, life-styles and travel, movies and books and listening to lotsa jokes. I get along with all my male cousins, BIL’s, friend’s spouse and can talk endless on any topic with them, without being attracted to them or flirting with them. Some of them are abusive to their spouse (and I do voice my discomfort when they do so) but personally I feel they can be trained to behave themselves.

My point is that do not allow your spouse to abuse you under any circumstances, stand there firm and fix that problem.

Very easily said!!!!!

During this month of October, there is a campaign of ‘Violence Against Women Awareness Month’, that shouts “stand up, speak out, reach out”

I agree that every woman should be able to stand up and speak up for themselves but you cannot reach out to anybody else because nobody can help you except you, yourself.

Domestic violence rages in India, even against women of a new generation educated, capable of being financially independent, articulate. It rages because we allow it to.


Not that I have not tried to help people but many times I have heard them turn their back on me with statements like:

“You have never loved anyone that passionately, what do you know about love? Just little abuse is no reason to walk away, he loves me a lot and showers me with expensive gifts”

“You are single, you will never understand our problem, we can’t leave, this is our fate, we have learnt to compromise”

“If I will leave him, will you support me? No nah? Then leave me alone, you mind your own business or else I will tell my hubby”

“My family says to get a divorce and get the money then we will help you settle down, you have our full support”

“Actually he is very nice its only when my MIL or SIL interfere that he gets violent”

“Otherwise he is a gem, it’s only when he drunk that he becomes violent, I try to hide his bottles it’s my fault really”

Gem? He is violent only when he is drunk? But he drinks too much almost every day! No, my dear friend, it’s not your fault, you are supposed to hide those bottles or else help him see how his drinking is affecting you, but you won’t tell him that because you are living in fear, you are afraid that he will slap you.

Why didn’t you stop him the first time when he raised his hand on you? Why didn’t you stop him the first time he raised his voice over the silly mistake that you made?

That was the first time he tasted the blood of your cowardice and smacked his lips.

Women are not that weak as they are believed to be. When the abuse and torture exceeds the limitation of tolerance she is capable of doing drastic action.

“I want to show the women who are suffering that they are not weak. We are hard workers, we are strong. Women can do anything, and we can do it without men”

says Kiranjit Ahluwalia, on whose experience a film called “Provoked” starring Aishwaraya Rai as Kiranjit was made.

Yes, women are not weak and men are charming too, it’s the link that is delicate, if we wash our dirty linen in public there will be more complications than solutions. With understanding and proper communications, the problems can be ironed out.

Life is a very long journey, respecting each other’s needs is very important and if you can neither adjust, nor are you strong enough to change him, then stay single, it’s a bliss…..but only if you have a strong spine of your own.

Insensitive nah? How could I say that?

Well,.....er... The above opinion that I have is from the society that I have been exposed to, it is about the people who have walked out of marriage and then suffered at their parent’s home and have been coaxed to return back, These are the parents of high status who want to hush up everything. Parents of such women are not sure if their sibling will take care of them in future, and are not willing to help them settle until they get a divorce and bring back some alimony for themselves.

It is to these women that I say ‘don’t allow’ to be taken advantage of, stand firm and don’t allow abuse.

But I have realized that there is much too much pain out there, especially in middle and lower caste families, where people are brutally raped/tortured/ abused in the most inhuman way.


October is VAWAmonth and let me share their twitter links of VAWMonth and VAWAM where there is an open conversation about this issue. It is at their blogs at VAWMonth and BelBajoa that I have realized how very cruel life these women lead and how much help they need to come out of their pathetic situation and if you have capacity to help them, please help, it’s a day well-spent.