My family re-union in Dubai

The ten days trip to Dubai was an eventful episode. It was to celebrate my cousin's 50th birthday. I love to spend time with my family and since all my family is scattered all over the world, I get to meet them whenever they come to India, or when here is some family wedding then we get time to meet. But during weddings, we are too busy attending occasions and we hardly get time to chill, not really…all our time is spend in visiting saloon or dressing or attending some or the other parties. During the wedding, there is loud music that silences our conversations, and the notes are normally exchanged in groups of three or four. We wanted to spend quality time together, to meet some place, out of India, where we could just be together. The opportunity finally arrived. My cousin decided to celebrate her birthday in Dubai. My nephew lives in Dubai, so it was perfect place for a venue away from home. He has three BHK apartments. The family that was to arrive were Rajni from Chicago, Suresh from Texas, Chandru and Meena from Hongkong, Laju from Lome, Reza from Bahrain, Gitu, Asgar and Neha from Lagos, Rani, Raju, Devkadidi from Pune and me from Mumbai. Then there were the family residents of Dubai that included Nikki, Dina, Karina, Sanjoo, Danisha, and Vinesh, thus we formed a group of twenty and the fun had begun. Except for Sanjoo’s family of four, all the rest of us wanted to live under one roof. Gitoo and Rajni, (who were first to arrive,) headed for shopping and purchased the air mattresses that promised a comfortable dreamy nights. As the family arrived, one by one, the rooms filled with laughter and joy. Mornings were spent chatting and joking that were laced with other odd jobs like preparing breakfast, making beds and washing dishes. Nobody told anybody to help, but there was a special pleasure in working together. Although we were so many of us in one house, we didn’t feel crowded. Nikki’s hall is huge and airy with a large open balcony. He has two easy chairs, two rocking chairs and el-shaped couch, then there is a huge square shaped dining table with twelve chairs. Under the glassy top of the dinning table there is a beautifully carved slab of wood that had mosaic of gold colored, square metal chips The centre of the table is laden with a huge globular vase that contained fresh flowers. A fish aquarium, side table and a bar complete the room. Most of our hours were spend in this room. After idle mornings, we would get ready to go for lunch and to visit malls. Dubai has beautiful malls with clean, large alleys. The shops gleam with merchandise. It is possible to visit only one mall a day, there is too much to walk and too much to see. We did go for desert safari, which was fun, roller-coasting through those sand dunes at break neck speed and late evening enjoying the Arabic dinner under the spells of the magic shows and belly dancing. We also enjoyed a boat ride on another evening and watched the sun set from the upper deck of the boat. But most of our days were spent visiting malls and trying the food at fancy restaurants. We enjoyed the long drives through the city. We had rented a 17 seated vehicle, which was perfect for our group; we shared our stories and comments as we drove through the city. My cousins related how the city has grown in last five years. There were constructions everywhere, a new shiny glass buildings were mushrooming on all sides. We saw Burj Dubai, the super-tall structure, the final height of which is being held as a closely held secret that will feature residences, commercial space and retail space and hospitality elements including the world's first Armani Hotel and Armani Residences. With over 160 storey now, the most number of livable floors in any building in the world, Burj Dubai is already pushing the frontiers in architecture, construction and engineering excellence. The ten days passed quickly and the quality time we spend together is the time etched in our memory for many years to come….

I don’t play Holi anymore.

Not that I don’t like this festival, (Actually I do) but the mess that follows later (cleaning the house and the bathrooms) is unnecessary waste of time. Early morning I heard the laughter of kids who were playing with color in the building compound. There were sounds of children running, shouting, and giggling. After saying a short morning prayers, I went to my bedroom balcony to watch the children play. Happily they sprinkled colors on faces of their friends, red, blue, green and the festival had arrived with vibrant hues and the celebration of life was here again. Hoil, the festival of colors, mischief, pranks, a day when you get away with any practical jokes and yet dance to a loud music. Holi is a festival of universal brotherhood and happiness. The bonfires that are lit on the eve of Holi are in reminder of the value of true faith in God. Many years ago, we would lit the fire in the lane and all the neighbors would come with coconut, sweets and water, and we would walk three times around the bonfire, break the coconut, sprinkle water and red color powder and then we would play games like antakshri or dumbsheras till late nights. This year I went with my sister to the corner of the street and watched while my sister went closer to the fire to pray. Didn’t want to risk walking around the bonfires, was afraid that I might slip on the wet ground and harm myself. Many years ago, we looked forward to these festivals and took part in all the festivities. We were young then, our vocal chord had higher decibels. We knew all the bollywood numbers and a great stamina to keep awake all night with friends and sing and laugh. Now, Holi is a day to celebrate with family, enjoying lunch, chat and play a game of cards with family and friends. I like to watch children play Hoil, like to watch youngster dance to the loud music and do rain dance, I enjoy this festival, but now I watch it from a distance. Not that I have become old, it is just that now my priorities have changed.

A true story ... of hope and determination

This is a true story of a woman, Shalini, who would help me cope with my housework When I lived in Spain, what I hated most was doing the odd jobs at home like sweeping, swabbing, dusting or washing clothes. Therefore,when I returned back to India, I started to enjoy the comfort of a helper which is easily available in India' I appointed Shalini to help me clean my house. Shalini worked in my house with a salary of just Rs500. Having her help in the house was a blessing I enjoyed and I was kind of living in luxury. She worked in four different houses in my building, doing the same job, over and over again, and seven days a week. I would ask her to take a day off and she would refuse telling me that she would be bored at home. Every evening, she would come to my house and make me a cup of tea, and while she and I sipped the tea together, she would relate to me the stories of her life and her family. Shalini had no husband and her family had cheated her out of the family property and she had been forced to work as a housemaid, because she was not educated nor qualified to do any other work. She had one daughter, Rupa, whom she would take with her everywhere because she did not trust the neighbor for her daughter's safety. While she worked, Rupa would sit and watch her mother do cleaning and swabbing at other people's houses. One day, Shalini's employer suggested that she educate her daughter, because she felt that her daughter was very pretty and education would do her good. On the insistence of her employer, she enrolled Rupa in the municipal school. Rupa would be seen following Shalini with a book in her hand. Rupa would get help in her studies from the children in the building, all the used books, and clothes were passed on to her from Shalini's employers. Rupa started to enjoy the attention she was getting from all people in the neighborhood and she took more interest in her studies and was getting good result. Years passed, Rupa grew up, educated and graduated. Shalini would tell me the stories of how people had helped her financially to get her daughter educated and how proud she was of her pretty, educated daughter. One day, she told me that Rupa had got a good job, she didn't know where her daughter was working but she said that she had started working in some office which was open all night and she had comapany transport at her service. I guessed it must be some call centre. While her daughter lived in style, she was still travelling by bus and doing menial work. For next six months, she would tell me about her daughter earning good salary, and improving her standard of living. First came, radio with stereo, then telephone, 24 inch TV, sewing machine, furniture and then washing machine....and she told me that her daughter wanted her to stop working as house maid, as she was making enough money to support her. But Shalini was a proud woman and she didn't want to live on her daughter's expense, so she continued to work in four houses, doing the same drab work that she had been doing for 25 years. Her own clothes were washed in the washing machine at home, while she washed people's clothes at work. I would wonder if her daughter was proud of her mother for getting her educated or was she ashamed of her mother, doing the menial work and earning only ten percent of her daughter's salary. She was a very good maid; she worked hard and was very honest. Many other employers did not want her to leave them. They were afraid they would not be able to replace her and therefore they discouraged her for their own selfish comforts. They were happy that she was a self respecting woman who did not want to live on her aughter's expenses. I ask her to leave the job and rest at home and tried to explain to her that she deserved to live comfortably because she had made an effort to educate her daughter but she would not listen, telling me that she would be bored at home. Her daughter got married and forced her to stay with her and it was her son-in-law who finally cajoled her into leaving the job and start enjoying the comfort in her old age. I lost a good maid but I was happy that her efforts had paid off. She visits me sometimes, and I feel happy to see her proud smile and glow on her face when she lovingly talks about her daughter's success. Cross posted on another blog on 'Unchaai – Crying for Love’ at http://unwantedgirlchild.blogspot.com/2008/03/true-story-of-hope-and-determination.html

Woman of leisure

Dark eyes and long eyelashes She might even have a sparkle that will reflect on her mood When her lover to her beckons. She will have a colorful make-up If for a feast, there is an invite But on warm and lazy summers She stretches till late nights She is a woman of leisure Who has no rules nor any plans Each day for her is different Dependent on her beloved friends Today I finally finished my painting ‘Women of leisure’ it is done in acrylics. What I like about acrylics is that it dries faster and therefore, it is easier to finish it faster. The jewelry and the curved border is done with em-seal and painted with gold. It took me 2 months to complete it. It is added to my collection. Hope I will be able to sell one day. Till then, it sits perched on the top of my cabinet…

This Saturday I attended a seminar on ‘Woman and Legal/property Right’.

It was quite an interesting event with the attendance of over one hundred ladies and it also included few men. Most of the women came loaded with their own pockets of grievance, hoping to find solutions to their problems that related to their property rights We had different speaker that included Adv. Y.P.singh, ADV. Arvind Jain, Dr Mahendre Mehta, Adv Rajesh Mudholkar. Dr Indu Shahani, the women ‘Sheriff of Mumbai City’ was the chief guest. She is the driving force behind women’s empowerment and she has coordinated with various NGO’s in addressing the various problems of women. She has started a helpline (call 1298) for women who are facing sexual or violence harassments. She pointed out to the powers of the youth and how they can be encouraged in redefining leadership. Dr Shashi Sharma, WGG Chairperson, expressed the need for the mind set of the society to change, citing different examples about how a girl is programmed to work and help in the housework while boys are encouraged to study or to play. The division of the responsibility and difference in sex privileges are marked out at early age. She stressed the need to change this mind set and believed that everybody could be encouraged to perform to their best of their ability, irrespective of their sex preferences Advocate, Ms Flavia Agnes, chairperson of MAJLIS, spoke about the different sexual and violence problems that women are facing and leading them to commit suicide. The issues of dowry death, sexual harassment and violence have not increased over the years, but it seems so, because initially many of these crimes would go unreported. There is a vulnerability of the women that subjects them to crime and violence. They are afraid to report because they are blamed for the crime. She argued that women would not commit suicide if she is educated and independent and has her own bank account. She believes that woman should not marry under the pressure of family and society; she should first be educated and independent and marry only when she is ready to marry some one of her choice. It should not be mandatory but it should be a decision of one’s free will. She stressed the fact that if woman is educated and has a position of power, nobody can touch her. General scenario of property laws for women was discussed by advocate Arvind Jain. After 56 years of independence, woman is still discriminated in becoming an heir to the estate on par with her counterpart man. In fact, discrimination, though unconstitutional in the face of sacred Article 14 of the constitution is not uniform and does not guarantee that no citizen shall be discriminated on the basis of sex. Needless to say, thus, the laws which aim at empowering the vulnerable section of the society must not be read down. After the delicious, vegetarian lunch of assorted vegetables, snacks, ice cream and sweets, second segment of the seminar continued. Adv Y.P. Singh focused on women's denied rights and how we could deal formally/ informally/legally with them. He stressed the need for ‘Right to Information’ he said that it is very important to be well informed of all the assets and the liability of the family wealth and weigh the options with a open mind. Woman of the house should know her financial and the property status of the family. Dr Mahendra Mehta discussed the need for woman to know her rights. She should know about all the assets that are owned by the family such as shares, mutual funds, art and paintings, silver/gold/diamond ornaments, cash, real estate, etc. She should be aware of her property status, investments and retirement plans and she should have a proper understanding of taxation and various legal issues. He enlightened us on the financial issues, its understanding and methods of savings/long term plans. Adv Rajesh Mudholkar discussed the importance of 'Will Making', reading the finer prints and understanding the details which could help in facing the pressures of relatives. There were question/answer sessions which were discussed in great details and that added color and hue to the meeting. The seminar that lasted for over eight hours was not enough to satiate the curiosity of the empowered women. It was an interesting debate to drum the men’s minds and chew their brains for many more days, thereafter….