Planning a trip to America – Part 1- The party

My cousins and I have made plans to make a road trip from Chicago to Texas to Mexico border. We plan to rent out a caravan and drive through different cities, exploring each town, tasting the local cuisine, visiting the places of interest and above all, to spend some quality time together in a foreign land.

Now, the next part is to apply for US visa. While my cousins, who stay in different parts of the world, have no difficulty in getting visa, in India, it is a long and painful experience. I have previously applied twice from Surinam (when I lived there) and then from Spain (another home) and have already visited America without any discomfort. But now, since I am back in India, I need to apply for Visa from here but I have come to realize that the visa issued in other countries is much easier than getting one from India.

Tea Party for Seniors Only

My friends and I organized and hosted a ‘tea party’ for senior members of my society today.

Every evening, I see few senior ladies of my building sit in the compound chit chatting. They discuss TV programs, news and all the gossip in the building. On the days when I am too lazy to go for my evening walk to a park near Linking Road or by the sea-shore at promenades, I opt for a casual walk around my building, but within ten minutes of my walking, these women start inviting me to sit down with them and join into their discussions. Their topics are interesting, no doubt, but nothing creative. During one of those meanderings, I decided to do my bit of adding some spice to their evening meeting and thus the idea of tea party popped into my mind.

I discussed it with other members of my society and younger group seemed interested to go by my plan. Together, we planned menu and games and the guest list.

They arrived, sharp at 6pm, smartly dressed.

We played two games, housie and passing the parcel and I must say, they were quite cooperative and sporty. The most entertaining part was the punishments like reciting two times table, ranting complains, talking about their anecdotes in their 20’s, and we were surprised to hear their stories. They talked animatedly, relating in details the stories of their youth and were very happy to find such enthusiastic listeners. They danced, sang old songs and were so very cheerful when they received gifts. Their eyes brightened up, thanking us for making them feel so special and wanted such parties planned regularly, some even suggested a picnic to some park.

The party was a great success with home cooked snacks like patties, sandwiches, cakes, dhoklas and vadis. There was cold drinks and tea. There was no pressure/obligations on who contributes what, everybody volunteered freely and there was even a take-away-gift for everyone.

And the happiness overflowed, such is the joy I received today in my building compound

Slow coach

Traveling by a public bus in the city of Mumbai is always amusing but injurious to the health, especially if you are suffering from BP. It takes lot of tolerance and patience to combat Mumbai traffic and frequent signals.


But, I always prefer bus to taxi for two reasons, one, that taxi is sheer waste of money if you are traveling alone for a longer distance and two, you get to see all kinds of people in the bus and some of them are really interesting.

Today I decided to take a bus from Bandra to Breach Candy, which should not take me more than twenty minutes to reach my destination if there is no traffic congestion on the road. The bus was empty and I got a window seat. After buying a ticket of Rs10 only (I was saving Rs120- taxi fare) I sat by the window reading a magazine.

In twenty minutes, the bus had reached Dadar, which is half way distance to breach Candy. A Senior Person (SP) in the bus was getting impatient and kept looking at his watch. Finally, he got up and started abusing the driver.

SP said, “You drivers are very inefficient, even when there is no traffic, you drive so slow, can’t you drive faster?”

Driver says “This is the speed I normally drive,”

SP-“You need a good driving practice, there is no traffic today and the roads are empty, why are you driving so slow, stop the bus, get up from that seat and let me teach you how to drive.”

And the argument went on and on with SP abusing him all the time, but the driver kept his cool and continued to drive at his own speed. Finally SP realized that he was wasting his time, he alighted the bus when he could take this slow speed no more.

I realized then that the bus was going too slow indeed. Well, what do we expect, for Rs10? Speed at Rs10? Not possible! I looked at my watch. Forty five minutes and only two-third of the distance covered.

Now I was getting impatient too. At the speed that he was driving, it would take me more than one hour to reach my destination.

Feeling helpless, I alight from the bus and take taxi for the rest of the distance.

Tranquility restored with little bit of extra cash for taxi fare.

On the subject of Spirituality

This excerpt caught my attention today

“The subject of spirituality is far too complex for a worldly man to comprehend without the intervention and assistance of a perfect Master, just as no one has ever qualified as a doctor or engineer by simply reading books, the subject of spirituality is extremely difficult and one that can only be understood gradually over a period  of time.” Spiritual Links

And yet, every second person I meet has long lecture to give me on spirituality.

Agreed, I don’t really know what I do at the temple or at any religious structure (for that matter) except to admire the architecture. I see people shut their eyes and murmur, talking to God and I wonder how they pray. Sing His praises? Ask for favors? I was told that we should never ask God of anything and let Him decide what is best for us because if we force Him to give us something that we didn’t really deserve, then it may be granted but it becomes the object of suffering in our life.

And there are people who tell me how they wished they had not forced God by going on hunger strike, fasting for days on end, visiting every temple, bathing in holy waters, and doing everything that pundit suggested for the miracle to happen. And the miracle did happen but now, they wished they could be liberated from that bondage. My friend once told me “I have stopped begging God for anything because whatever I asked, has been the cause of my suffering”

For me, spirituality has different meaning. Showing compassion and respect to every human being, irrespective of his status, size or color. If we hurt a single person, then we are unsuccessful in life. If we cannot give happiness to people then it better to keep out and be on our own. Yes, there are days when I forget my obligations towards society, hello, I am not perfect, I know, and sometimes I do get carried away and make jokes which may hurt people (which of course I didn’t mean to). but I am grateful to my loved ones who remind me when I err. I have given them that much leverage. If I don’t allow them to guide me then who will?

But, being good is to do the best we can to make other’s life comfortable. Walk an extra mile to bring a smile on a weaker face. What is the use of lying, cheating and pretending what we are not, whom do we fool? Is getting love on those grounds so important? Is it really important to impress others? Why do we care so much about other people’s opinion to shape our lives? Why do we get upset if people don’t recognize us or agree with us? Why do we feel so happy winning some meaningless contest. These are momentary happiness and they may boost our ego, but just for a while. Shouldn’t we merge with our own conscience and be true to our self?

Doing what is right and being true to oneself is religion. That is spirituality for me.

Old age Blues

Off late, I have been highly disturbed by the plight of old people and I keep worrying about my own old age. Will I age gracefully or will I be a vegetable? Every palm reader has informed me of ripe old age, but would I like to live too long?? I believe they are cursing me. What else should I say? If I were to live to be very, very old, will I be as healthy as I am today? Not that I am perfectly healthy today, but I have got so used to living with continuous pain all my life that I cease to care.

But the pain I see in the senior people's life puts me into a depression mode. The other day, I was talking to this 65 year old woman. In her youth she worked as a lecturer of History and then graduated as an accountant in her brother's export house. Five years ago, she retired and has been depressed since then. With her deteriorating eye sight, she cannot read, her frail health (arthritis) has stalled her day-to-day activities. The only healthy organ in her body is her tongue, which is the source of sorrow to her happiness and to others too. She complains that nobody ever spends much time with her and she finds her days, way too long. I suggested old age home to her, where she could find company with her like-minded people but her family members were aghast by such suggestion.

In India, old people require too much attention and only a dedicated volunteer is able to give that kind of attention. But in times like these, there is scarcity of dedicated volunteers too. In Indian society, it is a disgrace to sent away your aging parents to an old-age home as a result the personal life of family members suffers. One of my close friends had to resign from her steady and secure job (of teaching special children in Dubai) to take care of her ailing mother who is suffering from Parkinson's disease and her father, who cannot see clearly. Her life revolves around her parents; her dedication towards them is amazing. It requires lot of sacrifices, she has neither any social life, nor movies, nor late nights, nor long walks alone by the sea-shore, nor does she have time to read a book! Many times, I see her highly depressed and I suggest her to do some short term course so that she can keep herself up-to-date, but she has no time to learn or attend any workshop.

In Europe it is different. During my regular visits to Spain, I find old people happy and enjoying every moment of their lives. I meet them at the beaches, at the clubs, and even at beauty parlors. They take good care of themselves, live on their own and are fashionably dressed. Some of them even have a novio(boyfriend) The state looks after their needs and they are treated like royalty. They have active senior citizen groups who go regularly on state sponsored trips. Even the sick and weak one is well cared for. The family members don't have to sacrifice their personal lives to volunteer their help. Last year, when I was admitted in the hospital for my broken arm, I was sharing a room with an old woman. Her laughter was so contagious that it had nurses and care takers in splits.

I am not saying that all old people in Europe are cheerful and all old people in India are depressed. It's just the attitude of the people. There were some sad ones there too who sat by their window, gazing at the empty street but those were very few. They are not like Indians, whose second nature is to worry and take unnecessary stress of things they cannot control and whine in self-pity over their incapability. European are more open and receptive. Maybe, it's the clean air, good food and quality of life style which keep them cheerful, the acceptance of living independently and not taking unnecessary stress of the family who are grown-ups now, or/and, of letting go of the responsibility of the household and a desire to enjoy the rest of the life in peace.

I don't wish to live in Europe, I like living in India, but that is the attitude I wish to maintain when I come of age. But can we live with that kind of attitude in India? Can we really live a stress free life?

Do you think old age is a curse???? What would you do to make your own old age interesting????