'Another Man's Wife' by Manjul Bajaj

‘Another Man’s Wife’ is one of the titles in the collection of nine women-orientated stories beautifully told in a poetic detail with easy flow.

Manjul Bajaj, is a good observer of people’s expressions and mannerisms, her description of characters helps you relate to the persons you might have met sometime in your lifetime.

On page 107 she writes

Nusrat never fussed or hemmed about telling a story like other storytellers do. No clearing of the throat or slipping of a clove into her mouth or asking for water or tea. It was as if the story of the day was in the air surrounding her, waiting to be plucked out and told. “Listen then,” she would say, tilt her head to one side and simply begin

On page 207 she beautifully chalks up the love affair between heaven and earth during rainy season, she writes

Weeding the vegetable patch in the homestead, Kuheli looked with happiness at her maize crop dancing in the breeze. After three successive years of drought, the rain has come pelting down this chaumasa season. The gods had finally stopped clearing their throats and were singing without restraint, the joyful song of falling rain. Heaven and earth were in love again and many good things would be born of their passionate coming together.

I love her style of writing and her bold descriptions of sensual moments, showing sensitivity and insights, the writings that very few Indian writers dare to explore. On page 282 she writes

Betrayed by her knees, she shut her eyes tight and slid down slowly to the floor, pulling him to her, over her, into her. The river of time was breaking all around her in swift spasms, rising, falling, thrusting, heaving, twisting, turning, shuddering, gasping and finally crying out aloud. She heard him whisper her name over and over again, like life-saving mantra, as he climaxed.

On page 144 she resonates my thoughts on women, she writes:

I wanted to tell her that we virtuous women set too much store by our virtue. If we don’t let the man who love us take our body, time will take it anyway, without passion, indifferent to its beauty. I no longer believe that there are thick dossiers on each of us in the heavens and a record kept of our every deed and omission. At most each of us is given four or five chances at happiness. At the hour of reckoning we are left alone with ourselves to answer this- did we grab our opportunities with open arms or did we let them slip through our fingers, did we squander those chances or make something of them, did we sit our life out on the earth caged in prisons of our own making or did we have the faith and courage to walk out and know ourselves as the inheritors of the world and all that it has to offer?

'Another Man's Wife' has been an excellent read for me, I surprised myself when I took 2 days off the social network and paused all my other activities to cuddle with this book and walk with the author, Manjul Bajaj, into the interiors of India, passing through the villages, the deep forest, the Mango orchards, the markets, into the huts, the Shikaras, the private homes, feeling the spirit of a particular community and getting entangled into the folds of women’s mind. 


I would highly recommend this book to all those who like women-oriented stories.

Sitting In a Durbar With Tavleen Singh

I first heard about this book when I stopped for a brief moment at NDTV and watched Barkha Dutt interview Tavleen Singh. The interest was immediately aroused when I learnt that this book revolves around Nehru family during 70’s and 80’s.

I lived in Surinam in late 80’s and being Indian, when Indira Gandhi was killed, I had group of local people gather in my house who came to offer condolence.

There was just a brief mention on Local TV channel about Indira Gandhi, and the social media was non-existent, local Hindustanis, the natives of Surinam, wanted to know more about Sikh community, many of them failed to understand how an Indian could kill their own Hindu Prime Minister.

When I moved back to India, I was more curious about Indian politics than ever before. Almost nothing has been written about the inside stories during emergency and Rajiv Gandhi era, and the beginning of Punjab and Kashmir problems, therefore I was most pleased when I chanced upon this book.

What I liked about this book is that it’s a first hand account of events unfolding as she takes you through the corridors of power and the mistakes that they made, of not being able to change policies or bring about changes when it could have been done.

“I saw how my life as a journalist open up doors that made me constantly ashamed of how India has been betrayed by people like me. I believe that it is because India was let down by the ruling class that she failed to become the country she could have been. If we had been less foreign and more aware of India’s great wealth of language and literature, of her ancient text on politics and governance and her scriptures, we would have wanted to change many things, But we failed and brought up our children, as we have been, as foreigners in our own country fascinated by all things foreign and disdain of all thing Indian” she writes

She describes Sonia Gandhi, the president of the congress, as merely a foreigner who loathes the nation she reluctantly adopted as her own, one who fervently stated that she would rather see her children beg on streets than allow them to them join politics.

"Sonia's taste in fur coats was so refined that she was not satisfied with Soviet tailoring and had the coat sent to Rome to be redesigned by Italian fashion house Fendi. These were the stories that are never possible to confirm, but gossip rarely needs confirmation to be believed," Singh writes.

"That Sonia's become the most important political leader in India is a comment on other political leaders," she says admitting that one of her motivations in writing the book was to chip away at the Gandhi mystique.

An interesting book that kept me awake late nights even after I had shut the book and the lights to log on to yet another day.

Seriously, Learn to respect Women!

I don’t disrespect elders.

Disrespect is something that has never been tolerated in my family all through my growing up years. The elders were always right, we never saw their flaws but reasoned out all their wrong doings that we observed, making excuses for their sloppiness, their carelessness and the rude remarks they made.

But today, I am running short of excuses for elderly Guru who made insensitive remark. 

I am shocked with what the self-proclaimed guru, AsaRam had to say. “The rape would not have happened if the victim was more careful” he says. Excuse me? Address the rapist as ‘brother’ and he is likely to change his intention? A man who is charged with lusty desires and has no sensitivity nor the respect for a woman will change his intention (just in a flash) as soon as he hears the word ‘brother’ spilling out of woman’s lips?

Give me a break!

His spokesperson, Neelam, defends her Guru and blames the victim too, saying that she would never board a bus full of men and would rather take a taxi. 

This is ridiculous! 

When too many auto-rickshaws refuse, it gets so frustrating that we normally look for an alternative route, we don’t get suspicious if we are offered a lift by a private bus, specially if we are asked to pay for the journey.

Honestly speaking, I cannot understand people’s blind faith in Gurus. Why do people dote on them so much and believe them to be Gods? They are human beings (just like you and me) who are here to guide their devotees to follow a path to spirituality, to find the supreme power within them, to maintain peace within. But only some Gurus are sincere and focused. Most of them are still trapped in social circus and will do anything to bring the attention, even if it means making a fool of themselves with their insensitive remarks. Misogynist godmen influence their million followers to become misogynist.

It is unfortunate, that 23-year-old was raped so brutally and was not able to survive, but to blame the victim for the crime committed by men is not fair at all.

Instead of learning to respect women and changing their mind set, the men continue to blame women for the cruelty of men.

What has dress sense and decision to make a living got to do with modesty?

I am not sure whether these men are foolish or they wish to be in limelight, but since December 16^th, when this horrendous incident took place, except for our Prime Minister (who just utters ‘theekhai’ and a complete silence from Sonia Gandhi(the decision maker?), there has been continuous stream of insensitive remarks made by some or the other political/religious leaders.

Is there some kind of competition on who has the worst ‘foot-in-the-mouth-disease-with-disgusting-comments’?

What has mobiles and noodles got to do with women’s behavior

Why can’t men change his mindset and learn to respect women?

Men have never learnt to respect women, history tells it all. The great epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana offers insight on how the rape works in India: Abduction by Ravana of Sita who dared to cross the Laxman-Rekha, thus blaming the woman for going beyond her restricted area and entering the open space. 

“Women should wear overcoats and travel in separate buses”

“Fashionable women provoke rape”

Women should sit at home like private property of men”

The wrath of Draupati on Dushashana’s assault while her husbands and the clan watched silently, cannot be ignored. She promised to keep her hair loose till she got her justice and a possible war to destroy the clan to get her revenge.  She berated men for their inability to defend her and reminded them that her body belong to her and not to be used as a property to be given away to Kauravas over a gambling game. 

The protest that followed after the assault of 23years old girl (whom the nation addressed as Braveheart) was the similar anger at the government for not taking necessary action to protect the women and making streets safe.

Not just in India, but women around the world are exploited, molested and raped by these deplorable men.

Women's rights activist and author of The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler, tells NDTV that she sees a breakthrough happening in India with the nation breaking its silence on rape.

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/the-buck-stops-here/in-conversation-with-eve-ensler/261009?hp

On 14^th February, V-day’s 15^th anniversary, one billion women and girls from around the world will come together to express their outrage and rise in defiance of the injustices women suffer.

Indian women will also participate, demanding an end to violence against women that include rape, molestation, dowry, girl-child abortions, etc. 

World is changing, more and more women are getting educated, they are going to become important decision makers in the future, and such insensitive comments has to stop. 

Whatever they decide to wear, it’s their body; it does not imply that they are asking for rape.

All these ‘dented and painted’ sexist comments have to stop! Women are intelligent, they can differentiate right from wrong, and men should learn to deal with it. 

Living in an Unsafe World

No, Don’t wish me ‘Happy New Year’ I am not in mood. There is nothing to celebrate. You tell me to move on, things are not going to change.

How can I?

I am still angry and distressed when I think about the suffering she went through at the heinous acts of six men. Each time I think of her, a chill runs through my spine. Did they have no consciousness and the sensitivity of a human being? Is their desire for violence so strong that they lose all their decency? What kind of parents do they have? Should I blame these parents who have been unsuccessful in instilling good values in their family? Or should I blame the system that does not enforce strict laws?

Good upbringing and proper communication with the parents plays a very important role in the development of a child. It depends on moral values instilled in childhood that shapes up their personality. Poverty and social status has nothing to do with the kind of person you will grow up to be.

Whatever values are induced in our system during childhood remains with us forever.

I lost my father at the age of 3years and childhood was difficult with limited funds to sustain but my mom was a strong woman who always reminded us to follow a clean path. She instilled fear in us from doing anything wrong. I don’t lie, nor steal or commit any crime, why? Because I belong to a polished family, where mom always stuck to the truth.

This was possible because there was no communication gap.

Who are these men then, who commit such crimes? Can I blame their parents? Are they violent because they did not grow up in healthy environment or they grew up in the house where there was no order and discipline? Maybe their parents were so busy in their own problems that they could not communicate with their children during their growing up years.

Or should I blame the system? 

So many crimes are committed everyday and there is no law to protect its’ citizens. There are no severe punishments and many of the crimes are not even reported because of the slack judiciary system, But then, I am thinking whether such crimes happen in foreign countries too and how do they succeed in controlling crime? whether people do eve-teasing just for fun to get some cheap thrills?

When I travel abroad I see lots of bare skin, on the beaches, in the clubs and even on the streets. Group of women are seen at the bar, drinking hard drinks, laughing loudly, dancing with strangers. They are not loose women, they are just girls who want to have fun. They are not molested or raped. Men don’t stare. Nobody bothers them.

Indians have never learnt to respect women. Whether you are Sita or Draupati, men will never respect you. This is the mind-set of Indian men. They feel their need to dominate over woman.

The family is the basic cell of government: it is where we are trained to believe that we are human beings or that we are chattel, it is where we are trained to see the sex and race divisions and become callous to injustice even if it is done to ourselves, to accept as biological a full system of authoritarian government.~ Gloria Steinem

However strict the laws will be, unless we change the attitude and mentality of men in the society, we will never be a free nation.