Seriously, Learn to respect Women!

I don’t disrespect elders.

Disrespect is something that has never been tolerated in my family all through my growing up years. The elders were always right, we never saw their flaws but reasoned out all their wrong doings that we observed, making excuses for their sloppiness, their carelessness and the rude remarks they made.

But today, I am running short of excuses for elderly Guru who made insensitive remark. 

I am shocked with what the self-proclaimed guru, AsaRam had to say. “The rape would not have happened if the victim was more careful” he says. Excuse me? Address the rapist as ‘brother’ and he is likely to change his intention? A man who is charged with lusty desires and has no sensitivity nor the respect for a woman will change his intention (just in a flash) as soon as he hears the word ‘brother’ spilling out of woman’s lips?

Give me a break!

His spokesperson, Neelam, defends her Guru and blames the victim too, saying that she would never board a bus full of men and would rather take a taxi. 

This is ridiculous! 

When too many auto-rickshaws refuse, it gets so frustrating that we normally look for an alternative route, we don’t get suspicious if we are offered a lift by a private bus, specially if we are asked to pay for the journey.

Honestly speaking, I cannot understand people’s blind faith in Gurus. Why do people dote on them so much and believe them to be Gods? They are human beings (just like you and me) who are here to guide their devotees to follow a path to spirituality, to find the supreme power within them, to maintain peace within. But only some Gurus are sincere and focused. Most of them are still trapped in social circus and will do anything to bring the attention, even if it means making a fool of themselves with their insensitive remarks. Misogynist godmen influence their million followers to become misogynist.

It is unfortunate, that 23-year-old was raped so brutally and was not able to survive, but to blame the victim for the crime committed by men is not fair at all.

Instead of learning to respect women and changing their mind set, the men continue to blame women for the cruelty of men.

What has dress sense and decision to make a living got to do with modesty?

I am not sure whether these men are foolish or they wish to be in limelight, but since December 16^th, when this horrendous incident took place, except for our Prime Minister (who just utters ‘theekhai’ and a complete silence from Sonia Gandhi(the decision maker?), there has been continuous stream of insensitive remarks made by some or the other political/religious leaders.

Is there some kind of competition on who has the worst ‘foot-in-the-mouth-disease-with-disgusting-comments’?

What has mobiles and noodles got to do with women’s behavior

Why can’t men change his mindset and learn to respect women?

Men have never learnt to respect women, history tells it all. The great epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana offers insight on how the rape works in India: Abduction by Ravana of Sita who dared to cross the Laxman-Rekha, thus blaming the woman for going beyond her restricted area and entering the open space. 

“Women should wear overcoats and travel in separate buses”

“Fashionable women provoke rape”

Women should sit at home like private property of men”

The wrath of Draupati on Dushashana’s assault while her husbands and the clan watched silently, cannot be ignored. She promised to keep her hair loose till she got her justice and a possible war to destroy the clan to get her revenge.  She berated men for their inability to defend her and reminded them that her body belong to her and not to be used as a property to be given away to Kauravas over a gambling game. 

The protest that followed after the assault of 23years old girl (whom the nation addressed as Braveheart) was the similar anger at the government for not taking necessary action to protect the women and making streets safe.

Not just in India, but women around the world are exploited, molested and raped by these deplorable men.

Women's rights activist and author of The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler, tells NDTV that she sees a breakthrough happening in India with the nation breaking its silence on rape.

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/the-buck-stops-here/in-conversation-with-eve-ensler/261009?hp

On 14^th February, V-day’s 15^th anniversary, one billion women and girls from around the world will come together to express their outrage and rise in defiance of the injustices women suffer.

Indian women will also participate, demanding an end to violence against women that include rape, molestation, dowry, girl-child abortions, etc. 

World is changing, more and more women are getting educated, they are going to become important decision makers in the future, and such insensitive comments has to stop. 

Whatever they decide to wear, it’s their body; it does not imply that they are asking for rape.

All these ‘dented and painted’ sexist comments have to stop! Women are intelligent, they can differentiate right from wrong, and men should learn to deal with it. 

Living in an Unsafe World

No, Don’t wish me ‘Happy New Year’ I am not in mood. There is nothing to celebrate. You tell me to move on, things are not going to change.

How can I?

I am still angry and distressed when I think about the suffering she went through at the heinous acts of six men. Each time I think of her, a chill runs through my spine. Did they have no consciousness and the sensitivity of a human being? Is their desire for violence so strong that they lose all their decency? What kind of parents do they have? Should I blame these parents who have been unsuccessful in instilling good values in their family? Or should I blame the system that does not enforce strict laws?

Good upbringing and proper communication with the parents plays a very important role in the development of a child. It depends on moral values instilled in childhood that shapes up their personality. Poverty and social status has nothing to do with the kind of person you will grow up to be.

Whatever values are induced in our system during childhood remains with us forever.

I lost my father at the age of 3years and childhood was difficult with limited funds to sustain but my mom was a strong woman who always reminded us to follow a clean path. She instilled fear in us from doing anything wrong. I don’t lie, nor steal or commit any crime, why? Because I belong to a polished family, where mom always stuck to the truth.

This was possible because there was no communication gap.

Who are these men then, who commit such crimes? Can I blame their parents? Are they violent because they did not grow up in healthy environment or they grew up in the house where there was no order and discipline? Maybe their parents were so busy in their own problems that they could not communicate with their children during their growing up years.

Or should I blame the system? 

So many crimes are committed everyday and there is no law to protect its’ citizens. There are no severe punishments and many of the crimes are not even reported because of the slack judiciary system, But then, I am thinking whether such crimes happen in foreign countries too and how do they succeed in controlling crime? whether people do eve-teasing just for fun to get some cheap thrills?

When I travel abroad I see lots of bare skin, on the beaches, in the clubs and even on the streets. Group of women are seen at the bar, drinking hard drinks, laughing loudly, dancing with strangers. They are not loose women, they are just girls who want to have fun. They are not molested or raped. Men don’t stare. Nobody bothers them.

Indians have never learnt to respect women. Whether you are Sita or Draupati, men will never respect you. This is the mind-set of Indian men. They feel their need to dominate over woman.

The family is the basic cell of government: it is where we are trained to believe that we are human beings or that we are chattel, it is where we are trained to see the sex and race divisions and become callous to injustice even if it is done to ourselves, to accept as biological a full system of authoritarian government.~ Gloria Steinem

However strict the laws will be, unless we change the attitude and mentality of men in the society, we will never be a free nation.

Respect Women

A part of me died today when I woke up this morning and heard that 23-years old-rape-victim died after a long struggle. She had a strong desire to live and see the justice done to culprits who tortured her so mercilessly. But alas! She will never know if the justice was done, ever.

Today I am glad that I never mothered a child.

This is the country we live where men do not respect woman, where she is blamed for every crime. Punished for the choices she makes at home, at work place, in the society.  Will it ever end?

The injustice starts as soon as she steps in the womb. She is not welcomed, families’ doctors and professional are willing to discard her even before she is born.

Who has courage to stop these men who make women’s life miserable? When it did start? Who put these ideas in men’s head that he is superior to woman and that it’s his right to abuse her.

This is the society we live in where people are not punished for the wrong things that they do. One of the reasons our judiciary lies in shambles is because we live in corrupt society where rich get away with the atrocities by bribing the superiors and victims are embarrassed in such a way that they back out.

Actually the abuses begin at home. It’s the mindset of the men in the house that needs to change. If wife forgets to add salt in the dhal, why can’t he get up and bring it to adjust the taste? What is the need to raise the roof?  If the bare-exposed skin distracts him then the problem lies with him, why can’t he control his own emotions? What does it matter if she is dressed in the way she is comfortable? Why does he expect daughter-in-law to bring gifts from her maternal home, is he a beggar who cannot buy what he wants?

Why can’t they ‘let-it-be’?

Why can’t man adjust and learn to accept the change? My friend, who had lived in Delhi for some years, talks about her experience saying that if she dared to go out after 9pm, she would get lewd remarks and dirty stares from men. She says that going out late night was like defying their laws and they want to punish them for acting too smart.

I think the problem is with the man. He has a tendency to transform into a dangerous wolf after sunset. He needs to be accompanied by a woman to control his libido.

However strict the laws are, nothing can change unless his mind-set changes. He can be punished for rape and murder if convicted but how to punish a man, who tortures his family day and night?

Man has to learn to respect woman.

There is no other way.

All that we can do is pray that they understand and respect if they can....

Sorry, Wrong Number

image source

Last week I called a stranger who has been receiving calls from people in my contact list. He is an angry middle-aged man who gets irritated each time people from my contact list call him. They call him and ask him to call ‘Pushee’ he shouts back saying that he does not know any ‘Pushee’ and to stop bothering him.

I know it’s very frustrating when you receive call for a person you don’t know.

I decided to make a courteous call to him.

“Hello, is this…xxxxxx277, I am ‘Pushee’ speaking”

“Oh! So you are Pushee? I get too many calls asking for you, this is very frustrating because sometimes they insist that they need to speak to you even after I tell them they have a wrong number.”

“Well, I want to apologize to you, I am aware that people from my contact list are bothering you, but I am really sorry.”

I explained to him that I used to have two phone numbers, one with last three numbers as 277 and other with 477. I had surrendered my xxxxxx277 back to Vodafone and that number has been allotted to him. Most of my family members and my friends are not aware that I have another number too, I requested him to inform them, when they contact him and direct them to my line at xxxxxx477.

He softened when I said ‘sorry’ again.

“Okay, I understand” he said, “It is such a pleasure to speak to you. I am glad you told me. Now that I know I will give them your number as xxxxx477, and one more thing, you have a lovely voice.”

Hmmn, all that ends well with a compliment ends the best

Yesterday, I received a call from a friend who was directed to my phone when she made a call to xxxxxx277.

One phone call to offer apology, made a difference to his mood. He is no more irritated now when he gets a call asking for ‘Pushee’

“Oh ‘Pushee’ you mean?” he says gently, “you have a wrong number, can you call her on xxxxxx477 please?”

This post is shared with FB group Marathon Bloggers, who write one post per day during the month of December 2012